Dr Vernita Marsh Associates | Couples Therapy | Oakland CA
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Develop Deeper Relationships

A relationship with a partner you love is the most rewarding thing you can accomplish in life; unfortunately, every relationship goes through tough patches that may seem to have no specific or agreeable resolution.  One answer may be holistic therapy and couples' therapy.  Marriage counseling that focuses on your whole being as an emotional and spiritual couple, and provides a holistic approach to providing solutions may be just what you need.

We offer couples counseling for couples who are in distress or having trouble navigating their relationship together.  We also work with couples whose relationship is running smoothly but want to deepen intimacy and create a conscious partnership together.

 

Common couples concerns we work to address include: experiencing emotional distance and disconnection, repeated arguments that do not reach resolution, betrayal and distrust, unresolved hurt and anger, feeling dissatisfied and disappointed, longing for a more vibrant and connected relationship.

GREATER AWARENESS AND NEW WAYS

 

The natural approaches of couples therapy, pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling, and family therapy include becoming aware of and then learning how to give up old, automatic and destructive false beliefs, habits, and viewpoints.  Then, substitute creative, realistic, and positive ways of thinking, behaving, and communicating.  The main aims of natural and holistic couples counseling is to help each person achieve emotional balance and also balance in one's interactions with others.  In our couples' work, we often discover how one's family history shape how they relate to one another.  In exploring this, we introduce new ways of relation to one another that more healthy.

 

NEW WAYS OF RELATING

 

In holistic couples therapy, most couples and families with relationship problems - even the most severe and distressing - learn how to make actual positive changes in their interactions.  They learn how to actually develop new ways of relating to each other.  In relationship therapy you learn why it is always important to be both honest and kind to each other.  And in order to be able to achieve such interaction, you'll learn how to consistently communicate clearly, calmly and honestly; and regularly be very loving, very gentle, and consistently kind to each other.

 

RESOLUTION OF PERSONAL ISSUES

 

Emotionally charged, personal issues and negative habits that may interfere with good interactions can also be identified, explored AND resolved through individual, personal psychotherapy sessions, in addition to the joint couples or family sessions.  In natural and holistic couples therapy or pre-marital counseling each person learns how to develop new perspectives and increase constructive styles of living with each other.  In these very positive and practical treatments of relationship and marital problems each person learns how to maintain her or his individuality while moving from the concept of just "I" to the concept of "We."

 

SOLVING PROBLEMS

 

Often couples start to give up.  They may resort to fighting and arguing.  We however teach you skills to descalate a conflict, and learn how to substitute calm communication and productive problem solving.  Each person learns how to take the perspective of the other and enhance the capacity to make joint, practical decisions that consider and respect one's own desires as well as the desires of the other.  And also, on matters that concern both partners, unilateral decisions are abandoned as rational, creative and joint decision-making becomes the regular way.

 

NO ONE IS TO BLAME

 

One key foucs in all couples therapy is on the presence and on the absence of blame.  In holistic therapy, couples find out - often, for the first time - how liberating it is to give up regret, blame and emotional outbursts.  They learn how to become truly honest and intimate with each other; how to relate to each other lovingly and calmly in the here and now; without emotional regrets over a past that cannot be changed, or worry about a future that only fits an imaginary ideal which is unrealistic.

 

GIVING UP PERFECTIONISM

 

It's often very important that both partners learn how to give up perfectionism and actually not to blame the other or self when they make mistakes.  In fact, in this effective relationship therapy you may discover the benefits of learning from mistakes, rather than becoming upset by mistakes.  And most important, they learn to welcome awareness of mistakes and faults in oneself or one's partner, since such awareness is always an opportunity for constructive change and growth.

 

By engaging in this constructive treatment of their relationship they learn how to focus on and actually practice positive and mutually satisfying actions in the present.  They practice stopping three habits that have caused them so much suffering and grief:

 

regret, worry, and blame.

 

SOLID RELATIONSHIPS BY DESIGN

 

All couples can learn and then practice how to resolve their common relationship problems in the most effective and most practical ways.  As a result of natural therapy's emphasis on not expecting perfection in themselves or their partner, as well as on being loving in the present, they discover how they can actually attain and maintain a caring, intimate, erotically enriching and exciting long-term relationship with each other!

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